Holly Jolly Christmas
by RKSupporter1
Summary: Christmas is all about family, friends, presents and...old loves? How would you react if at a Christmas party you meet your ex?
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hey guys! I decided to give it a try and publish this. It's my first story ever, so I know I will have mistakes. Lots of them, so please be gentle with me. It will be a short one. 3 or 4 chapters. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks to the girls who pre-read this, you guys are amazing!  
**

 **I don't know anything. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 _Holly Jolly Christmas_

 _CHAPTER 1_

Christmas preparation is a necessary madness. The rush, the lunacy… trying to buy gifts for everyone and get everything right; it all drives you crazy. Then again, seeing the ecstatic expressions of your loved ones on Christmas morning exchanging gifts makes you realize that all the madness was worth it. This year is no different.

I'm helping my mom prepare Christmas dishes in the now-fragrant kitchen. Giddiness flows through me while starting the apple pie because the mingling scents of turkey and mashed potatoes, along with the smell of freshly baked cookies, makes my mouth water. Mom looks at me and giggles.

"Excited?" she asks.

"Very," I answer as I glance at her, smiling, and she laughs.

"When are the Cullens expecting you?" she enquires, stirring the mashed potatoes.

"Around nine, I think," I reply, checking the time again.

You see, me and my friends meet for a Christmas Eve gathering every year where everyone wears PJs whilst spending the night watching Christmas movies, drinking hot chocolate and eating good food. You would think I'm five and not twenty-two, but believe me, Christmas is my favourite holiday.

Dad enters the kitchen wearing a Santa hat and we giggle at the sight.

"Ho-ho-ho," he says, grinning. He joins us at the counter and hugs mom from one side, kissing her cheek. I smile at their affection, happy that their love hasn't faltered after all these years. "Are you sure you will be okay, sweetie?" he asks me as he steals an apple slice.

I slap his hand away. "Don't steal, Dad!" I scold him and he grins even wider. "And yes. I'll be done with these in a few minutes and I'll leave you two be," I tease them.

"Honey, you could have the gathering here," mom offers, making me laugh yet again.

"Thanks, Mom, but no thanks! Have you met Emmett?" I reply jokingly and I smirk when her eyes go huge. Yup. Even though he's two years older than me, Emmett acts like a three year old – he's loud, noisy and hyper.

"Renée, no," Dad warns her and I giggle.

"Yeah, okay, never mind," she says in agreement. "Have fun at Alice's, Bella!"

 _~ Holly Jolly Christmas ~_

After leaving my parents' house, I make a quick stop at my sparsely-decorated flat in order to take a quick shower and pack my festive PJs in my overnight bag. I take the apple pie and the cookies I baked earlier, too, and I'm off. It doesn't take more than ten minutes to get to Alice's place and I can't help but chuckle at how Christmassy her house looks: Christmas lights hang all over her house, a Santa on a ladder is climbing up her balcony, two reindeers usher you onto the porch and a snowman welcomes you beside the door. Alice loves Christmas just as much as I do, the only difference between us being that she, the owner of an actual house, can go overboard with decorating.

Parking my car, I see Emmett and Rosalie's car. Surprised, I notice an unknown Volvo next to theirs. As far as I know, it should only be us this evening so I'm intrigued by the premise of a stranger being invited also. I take my overnight bag, along with the goodies, out of the car and make my way to the door. Alice, already dressed in her Christmas PJs and donning a Santa hat, greets me as soon as I knock.

"Oh, Santa's little helper is here!" She exclaims as I laugh and hug her.

"And she brought cookies," I add, showing her the food. She claps her hands at the sight of it. Jasper and Rosalie come towards us and help me with my bag. "Did you invite someone else?" I ask Alice as I put the cookies in the oven to keep them warm. She refuses to meet my gaze when I glance at her, keeping herself busy doing God-knows-what in the fridge. "Alice? Did you hear me?" I ask her again, raising my voice over the noise she creates.

"Um, yeah. Just go, get changed and you'll find out more afterwards, okay?" she mutters as I approach her.

"Are you okay?" I ask her as I put my hand softly on her shoulder.

She finally looks at me, looking guilty. "Yeah, just, please keep in mind that it's Christmas, okay?" she begs, transforming my expression into one of utter confusion. I stand there, waiting for some further explanation, but she pushes me out of the kitchen, shouting, "Go!"

Before going upstairs, I throw a glance at Jasper and Rosalie and they both smile softly. Once inside the guest room upstairs, I take my PJs and slippers out of the bag and change. I can't help but look around and smile, because the Christmas spirit resides even here thanks to the plethora of decorations in the room. Strangely, though, it's not the decorations that catch my attention once I'm ready for the gathering downstairs. Instead, I notice a guitar leaning against the desk. I walk slowly towards it and kneel down to investigate further.

Who brought a guitar? I wonder. Jasper and Emmett sure don't know how to play it. Alice and Rosalie, who aren't very musical, either, are more into hearing someone else play. I touch the strings of the guitar gingerly and notice a name inscribed on the side of the guitar's neck.

 _E. Cullen._

No. No! No way. The shock of the discovery prompts me to stand back up immediately but I stumble in my haste. No, there's no way he's... I look around me, expecting him to appear from somewhere, yet I notice no sign of movement in the room. I close my bag and open the door, intending to go downstairs and ask Alice what the hell is going on, but just as I'm about to close the door I see her making her way up the stairs towards me. I also notice movement inside the room on my right side which stops me from closing the door all the way. I see him, just as he exits the guest bathroom.

My mouth goes dry just as my heart starts beating faster at the sight of him. The sudden rush of blood makes me dizzy, making me lose my footing a tad, yet somehow I still manage to stay upright. He's changed, but at the same time I feel like he's the Edward I know. The Edward I crushed on while I was a Senior.

The Edward I... No! Don't go there, Bella!

He has the same bronze hair, the same green eyes, the same fashion sense. The only thing I can say changed about him is that he looks fitter. Sure, he was fit in high school as well, but now he's more built-up, more toned. I refuse to look into his eyes, so I turn to Alice instead.

"What is this, Alice?" I ask her, pointedly ignoring him.

"He's back," She says, smiling softly.

"Oh, yeah?" This time I turn towards him. "For how long this time?" I scorn, noticing hurt on his face. He speaks for the first time, his voice determined, yet pleading.

"I'm not leaving this time, Bella," he says as he starts to move towards me, but I step back, thus stopping him mid-step.

"I don't care what you do Edward, to be honest," I say. "You don't have to make promises to me. I just hope you keep the promises you made to your family, because they were the ones that suffered the most when you left."

"Guys," Alice interrupts us softly, taking one of both our hands in hers. "Can we have a peaceful Christmas gathering? Let's just forget our problems for one night. One night. Please!" She pleads. I look towards Edward, then I nod my head with a sigh. I see him do the same. Alice squeezes my hand in thanks and Edward hugs her from one side, kissing her forehead. The display of affection makes me turn my head away from them. I start making my way downstairs.

In the kitchen, the rest of our group sits in silence which prompts me to laugh again.

"You guys deserve to have your asses kicked for playing me like this," I tell them; it makes them smile knowingly.

"Are you guys okay, though?" Rosalie asks.

"We're okay, Rose," I hear him say behind me and I take a deep breath, making my way to the counter.

"Good!" Emmett says, breaking the tension in the room. "Can we start the party now?" He adds excitedly, making me giggle. Emmett loves parties, even if it's just a Christmas hang out with movies, songs, and hot chocolate.

"I'm gonna go and choose the movies," Rose says as she stands up to leave the kitchen.

"Babe, please, don't pick only chick flicks," Emmett complains as he follows after her.

"We're taking the tableware and the food," adds Alice as she bends down to take the cookies I brought out of the oven. "Can you take care of the mulled wine, Bella?"

"Already on it," I tell her and she smiles as she makes her way out of the kitchen with Jasper following her closely behind.

I sigh and stand on my tip toes to open the overhead drawer. I take out the coffee pot, set it on the burner, and turn on the stove.

"I've got the wine," Edward's voice mutters close to me, his words flow along the back of my neck. I gasp and turn to look at him, our apparent proximity making me jump.

"Wha… what are you doing?" I ask, trying to push him away in order to create some distance between us. Instead of flinching, as I intended, he stops me by putting his hands on my waist.

"You will burn if you keep pushing me away like this," he whispers, reminding me of all the ways he made me heat up. From the look in his eyes, he's remembering, too.

"Already did once," I murmur before I can stop myself. I use all of my strength this time, finally managing to walk past him and break the sudden intimacy in the room.

"Bella," he pleads, his hands reaching for me.

"Why are you here, Edward? Seriously," I ask, looking at him. He pours the bottle of wine into the coffee pot, stirs it for a bit and then makes his way towards me again.

"Don't," I warn him as I step back.

He listens to my warning, stopping a few steps away from me. "I'm here because I want to stay," he says, refusing to meet my eyes. "I'm here for my family." He then adds, "I'm here for you," after a short pause, this time wearing an expression that scares me.

"No," I whisper back. "Don't. Don't make this about me, Edward."

He laughs sarcastically, closing the space between us and cupping my face with his hands. "Don't you see Bella?" He says softly. "It's all about you. It's always been about you."

"Stop," I plead, trying to escape his gaze. "Stop it, please."

"I can't," he says. "You can't stand here and tell me you feel nothing."

"It's been four years, Edward. Four fucking years!" I shout, trying to twist away from his hold. He loosens his grip, but refuses to let go completely.

"Yet, after four years, you react to me the same way you did before." He says, reawakening my hate for his ability to see through me. "Bella, if you didn't feel anything, you wouldn't run away from me."

"Where were these words when I needed them, Edward?" I say, turning and walking back to the stove to take the wine off the burner.

"I was fucked up, Bella. You know it better than anyone. You were the only one who could take the pain away."

I let out a sarcastic laugh. "I don't think so. You pushed me away when I tried to help you. You pushed all of us away, Edward."

He steps in front of me again, taking my hands in his. "Yes, because I was ashamed, Bella. Ashamed of who I was, of who I had become. I had to leave to heal. For my family, for you. Because I need you to forgive me," he explains as he cups my face in his hands again, resting his forehead on mine, our noses touching. "Please," he whispers and before I can react, his lips are on mine.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I suuuuuuuck. I know. I know. I know I said I would finish this story by the time the holidays end, given the fact that it is just a short story. I'm not gonna look for excuses, because there is no point. All I can say is, I'm sorry. I promise chapter 3 will come soon-ish. I hope you guys enjoy it. Thanks to the girls who beta-ed this. You guys rock!**

 **I don't own anything. No copyright infringement is intended.**

CHAPTER 2

The logical way to react to what's happening right now would be to push him away and slap him, however my heart speaks for me and I give into the kiss. He holds my face in his hands and one of mine tangles into his hair, as I remember what it feels like to kiss him. I gasp as he scoops me up into his arms and pushes my back against the counter, creating the opportunity to deepen our kiss. One of his palms trails up one of my legs and I shiver at the feeling of his hands on my body. I tug at his collar, trying to bring him closer to me.

He moans.

"Bella, is-," Alice's voice alerts us to her approach. We automatically break apart, but her eyes open incredibly wide as she registers the position we are in as she enters the kitchen - Edward holding my waist and my legs around his hips. "Um, sorry?" she says and I push Edward away from me, hopping off of the counter.

"The wine is ready," I tell her and take wine glasses out of the cupboard.

"Um, okay," she says as she washes a knife. "We'll just, um, wait for you guys." She mumbles and runs out of the kitchen.

Great. I sigh.

"Does she know?" He asks softly.

"She's your sister, Edward. She's not stupid." I say, annoyed. "Even if I didn't tell her, I think everyone knows that we haven't been on good terms in the past. I kept it secret, Edward, because you wanted it that way." I add accusingly, not being able to help myself.

"Bella," he pleads and I sigh as I turn towards him.

"Edward, don't. I don't want explanations. I just wanna forget all about it and just enjoy myself tonight. For the sake of our friends. It's either this or nothing and to be honest, it's almost Christmas; I don't want to be bitch. Not even to you," I say, smiling involuntarily as he chuckles. I offer my hand to him. "Truce?"

He comes closer to me and takes my hand in his. "Truce," He replies, nodding. We both grin sheepishly at each other as we shake hands, but his eyes then morph into that same terrifying expression. I let go, smiling reassuringly regardless.

"Shall we?" He asks, to which I reply, "We shall," with a chuckle. I take the wine glasses while he takes the wine and we make our way to the living room.

There, Emmett is stuffing his face with my gingerbread cookies and I can't help but laugh.

"Breathe a little, Emmett," I tease him, earning myself a middle finger in response. "Ohhh, be like this and Santa won't bring you presents." I say when he looks at me as I put the tray with the wine glasses down on the table. Edward proceeds to pour some wine for each of us.

He passes me one of the wine glasses and my face softens at the gesture. He winks at me when I express my gratitude and a blush heats up my cheeks. He sees it immediately and smirks.

"Okay," Rose's voice wakes me up from my daydreaming and I look towards her, "we have Elf first," she continues, "and if we have time, we also have the Home Alone collection." I nod in approval and make my way towards the sofa. I see Edward scanning the room for a place to sit, but finds none because the couples are cuddled up everywhere; Rose and Emmett sit on their makeshift pillow bed. Covered with a warm blanket, Alice sits on an armchair with Jasper on the floor in front of her. He looks towards me, unsure whether I'd let him sit beside me or not, but I pat the couch invitingly. He walks over with a smile, grabbing the plate of gingerbread and a blanket along the way.

"Dude, you aren't the only one eating those," Emmett protests.

"Shut up and play the movie," Edward mumbles as he joins me. Emmett looks towards me and smirks. I roll my eyes.

 _~ Holly Jolly Christmas ~_

Throughout the movie, the couples giggle, kiss and cuddle and as much as I love the four of them, they start to drive me crazy. I look beside me and I can tell Edward is as uncomfortable as I am about this. I stretch one of my legs towards him and touch his thigh in order to get his attention. He looks at me questioning and I smile at him.

"Wanna ditch the love-birds?" I whisper. He lets out a sigh akin to that of a man saved from the most embarrassing moment of his life and nods.

"I will, if you do, too," he whispers back and I can't help but chuckle as I try to escape from the blanket cocoon I entangled myself in. He holds out his hand to me in order to help me up from the sofa. When I'm finally back on my feet, we take our wine glasses and make our way out of the living room.

"Thank you for that," he says, making me scoff. "No, I'm serious," he adds as he goes to the fridge to take out another bottle of wine. "Want another round?" He asks, corkscrew in hand which he then proceeds to twist into the cork after I nod my reply.

"I love all of them but I can't stand seeing my sister making out with my best friend," he tells me, his shudder prompting me to laugh vehemently.

"Since when have you became so shy?" I wonder as he removes the cork and goes to pour the wine into the coffee pot to heat it on the stove; I stop him before he does so. "No, I'm done with mulled wine for tonight," I explain, hopping onto the counter next to him.

"There is a difference between being uncomfortable seeing your sister kissing the hell out her boyfriend, who is my best friend," I see him cringe and I huff at his immaturity, "and being shy, Bella." He takes a sip of wine he poured into his glass instead and makes his way towards me, his eyes following the lines of my body from head to toe. "I think you know very well that I'm not shy at all."

"Edward," I warn him. I know that look very well.

He comes closer to me, puts the glass down on the counter next to me and takes my hands in his.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers, entangling our fingers together. "I'm so sorry for everything I put you through." I look up at him, seeing honesty in his eyes. "I will do everything to make you forgive me," he says decidedly. I can feel my eyes filling with tears, yet I try to push them back. I involuntarily caress his cheek and he leans into my touch.

"Edward," I whisper, "I loved you," I confess. He looks at me, hope evident in his eyes. "I did. So much. But –," I sigh, "I can't do it again, Edward."

"I love you, too." I gasp at his confession. "I know that in the past I showed you in a fucked up way. When we started our relationship, I know we kept it a secret, but it wasn't because I was ashamed of you." He touches my cheek and I close my eyes at the feeling of his fingers on my skin. "I was never ashamed of you, Bella. I was ashamed of myself. I thought I wasn't enough for you."

"I got myself in that, Edward. I wanted you. That was enough for me." I cry and he kisses my forehead, hugging me tight to his chest.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers in my hair.

"I'm scared," I admit, my voice shaking. I look up at him, seeing his tearful eyes mirror mine, "I'm scared to go through that again." He opens his mouth to say something, but I put my finger on his lips to stop him. "No matter what happened between us, I will always love you, Edward." I push him softly backwards, hop off the counter and stand on my tiptoes to softly touch his cheek with my lips. He looks down at me, tears streaming down the cheek I kissed, and it kills me to leave him there like that. I step backwards slowly, reluctantly, the need of space more potent than his refusal to let go of my hand.

"Goodnight, Edward," I say softly.

"I'm not giving up, Bella," I hear him say before leaving the kitchen. The resolve behind those words frightens me.

Alcohol is a sedative, unusually so in my system, which is why no one's surprised to hear that I'm going to hit the hay early after drinking all the wine I had. I'm followed up the stairs with a resounding chorus of 'Goodnight, Bella!' streaming from the living room, pushing my now-exhausted body on. When I reach my room, I clean myself up as quickly as I can in the adjacent bathroom, and then I collapse on the bed unceremoniously.

 _~ Holly Jolly Christmas ~_

I wake up a couple of hours later, the time elapsed consistent with the length of two REM cycles of sleep. I feel groggy and am slightly confused by the fact that the noise I heard clearly in my dream wasn't a dream at all, but rather the sound of guitar strings being lightly strummed on the opposite end of the hallway. I sit up and listen to the chords, debating whether it's a good idea to go and investigate; my inner groupie can't help herself, and so I creep out of my bedroom and along the hallway wall to the source of the melody. Edward is sitting on the edge of his bed, head bent over the guitar in his hands. In all honestly, I am mesmerised by the sight, it's yet another reminder of who he used to be, of who I was so enthralled with. I walk on further and lean against the doorframe to listen, perpetrating the nostalgia even further. He's so entranced in the melody that he doesn't notice me for quite a while. It's towards the end when his eyes glance up in my direction and, not realising what they saw, fall back to the strings. But then he stops playing, and his eyes take the time to fully register my form standing a couple of feet away.

I step into the room slowly, closing the door behind me. "Hi," I murmur, walking towards the bed. "May I?" I inquire, pointing to the bed.

I join him on the bed when he nods, crossing my legs and contemplating how good he looks with the guitar in his hands.

"You shouldn't have stopped because of me," I say, making him place the guitar down onto the floor.

"No, it's okay, I wasn't playing anything in particular," he explains, mirroring my posture. I bite my lip and look down at my hands, afraid to look into his eyes now staring directly at me. "Don't do that," he says with a hoarse voice and I gasp when I look up, seeing his eyes filled with lust.

"I should have listened you from the start," he says to cut the silence that settled between us.

"What?" I ask, confused.

"If I would have listened to you guys back then, I wouldn't have lost you. All of you," he refuses to meet my gaze and I assume it's because of embarrassment.

"Edward," I say softly, "your family loves you." I take his hand in mine, giving it a squeeze. "They always will. You haven't lost them, believe me."

"And you?" He mumbles, looking at me. "Have I lost you?" He presses.

"No, please," I chide, trying to take my hand out of his; he refuses. This time, I let it slide.

"You will always have a part of me, Edward," I sigh. "I already told you that." He takes both of my hands and brings them to his lips, kissing them. Tears stream down my face before I can even stop them. He notices and drops my to brush them off with his thumb.

"Don't cry," he pleads with me. "You cried enough for me, Bella." He scoots closer to me, hugging me so hard that my bones hurt, but I accept it. I accept his arms around me, and I accept the warmth of his body, because it makes me feel safe.

"Don't hurt me again, Edward," I mumble into his chest.

With his fingers under my chin, he lifts my head a bit. I instinctually lean into him, my right hand touching his cheek. Our noses touch gingerly, my heart beat picking up at the proximity of our lips. His tongue wets my bottom lip, making me moan and kiss him back. My hands go around his neck and I move to straddle his lap, his hands going on my waist. The feeling of kissing him again makes me shiver and deepen the kiss more. We break away from each other minutely, trying to control our breathing.

He lifts me into his arms and lays me on the pillows. His body hovers over mine, his arms on either side of me. I raise my head a bit and kiss him again and he groans. One of his hands go under my blouse at my waist, the feeling of his hands on my skin making me whimper. He breaks away from the kiss, but moves his kisses to my neck, licking and biting. The hand that was under my blouse goes to my pants, untying the cord and in that moment I realize where this is leading.

"Wait," I say softly and he stops kissing my neck, looking at me. He leans down and kisses my lips again.

"We're not having sex tonight," he whispers and nuzzles my nose "because this is how we started in the past," his hand goes between my thighs, over the pyjama pants and I shudder at the feeling of his hand moving slowly. "But let me make you feel good," he says softly in my ear and I moan loudly. He gives me one last look, giving me the chance to back out, but apparently, Edward makes me forget my rational side so I nod and he smiles sweetly, before leaning down and kissing me again. His finger teases my clit, slowly and I can't help but moan, breaking away from the kiss, my legs opening wider and trembling.

"Shit," I whisper - moan, making Edward smile proudly at me. I look up at him and I still can't believe we're doing this, yet I can't find the strength to stop it because, fuck, it feels so wrong but at the same time so good. He puts pressure on my clit again, making my back arch from the bed, having me whimper again. "Under," I gasp, clutching his t-shirt. I open my eyes and I see he looks at me, surprised at my request. "Please," I whisper.

He gulps but doesn't hesitate and moves his hand under the fabric of my pants. I can't help but moan louder when there is no longer a barrier between us and his fingers circle my clit."Fuck," he groans as he slides one finger inside me "You're so wet," he whispers, leaning down to kiss one of my breasts, not caring that he is doing it over the clothes. My hand with which I was clutching his shirt, I move it towards his crotch, the movement making him stop his kisses and look down at where my hand is.

"I want to," I say and he nods, capturing my lips with his, both of us moaning at how passionate and desperate the kiss is.

He shudders and groans when he feels my hand around his cock, hiding his head at the crook of my neck and I can't help but kiss behind his ear. At the same time, I thrust my hips up to get the friction that I need and Edward notices it and starts moving his fingers inside me, faster this time. I squeeze the tip of his cock and start moving my hand at the same rhythm he moves his fingers and the only thing you can hear in the room is our breaths and our desperate moans.

"Fuck, Bella," he moans as I bite his earlobe and I can tell by how his cock twitches in my hand. "Are you close?" he asks me as I nod.

"Oh shit!" I gasp as he pushes his fingers harder.

"Come on baby," he whispers and that's all it takes. I thrust one last time in his hand and I let go. All my body starts trembling and he hides my loud moans with his mouth.

"You're beautiful," he says when we break apart and my cheeks flush. I look down at his pants and I don't even realize that I wasn't the only one who let go.

"I'm sorry," I tell him, while we try to catch our breath.

"For what?" He asks in confusion. He laughs when he looks at my hand and kisses my nose.

"I'm not. Even though I feel like a teenager right now," he says, moving away from me. "I'll be right back," he assures me with a smile, walking towards the bathroom. "Don't you dare go anywhere," he commands, pointing his index finger at me before closing the door behind him.

 _~ Holly Jolly Christmas ~_

"I'm so sorry for pushing you away," he mumbles into my hair, minutes after he came back from the bathroom. I'm cuddled into his chest, his arms around me. Edward holds me tight, kissing my hair, my cheeks, everywhere he can reach. "I pushed you away when I needed you the most," I look up at him and caress his chin.

"Maybe it was meant to happen like this," I whisper, kissing his cheek.

"Maybe," he agrees, pecking my lips, "but if I could turn back time, I would do things differently. I would have treated you differently." I sigh.

"It's in the past, Edward," I tell him. "We both had issues and we were too young."

"And I was too fucking proud and too stupid to realize James was the bad guy."

James. James was the type of guy whom I always hated. The slut-and-party loving popular type that did all kinds of shit and could get away with it all just because he had money. James and Edward got close when he found out that he was adopted. That's when everything changed. That's when the Edward I knew since childhood became James' copycat.

"If I wouldn't have got involved with James, I would have approached you differently," He breaks me from my reverie as if reading my mind and takes my hand in his.

Edward and I got involved at Alice's 19th birthday party. It happened out of nowhere. Sure, I had a crush on him ever since I've known him, but I never acted on it because I knew what type of guy Edward turned into in James' close proximity. I remember that Alice was pissed at him that night because he brought James with him, and that I told her to just ignore them and enjoy her party. I remember my encounter with James in the backyard that night. I remember when everything went to hell.

 _"Hey doll," I hear James say behind me. Just the sound of his voice sets me on edge. He comes closer still, putting his hands around my waist, and I go rigid. He sniffs my hair, his proximity making me shiver. "You smell wonderful, darling," he murmurs. I push at his hands in my attempt to extricate myself from him but he keeps his hold on me. "Stay put, doll," he whispers._

 _"No," I snap at him. "Let me go," I add as I struggle to get away from him. He laughs, knowing that I' not strong enough to break away from his grip._

 _"Get away from her, James," I hear Edward's voice further out behind us. Turning my head, I see him standing on the doorstep of doors leading to the backyard. His eyes are shooting daggers at his best friend, but apparently, Edward's warning does nothing to stop James from groping me._

 _He smirks at Edward, one of his hands moving down from my waist towards my legs. I try and push him away from me. "You were right, Eddie," he quips, "she really is beautiful. Shy, but beautiful," he whispers and kisses my cheek despite my trying to slap his hands away._

 _"Let her go, James," Edward growls at him. "I mean it." He moves towards us, his eyes on me. "Leave her out of your stupid games," he commands; James looks at him, amused._

 _"Jealous, aren't you?" He chuckles darkly. "Don't worry, my friend, we'll share," he assures him menacingly. I get more terrified with every word that comes out of his mouth. I look pleadingly into Edward's eyes. They simmer with anger, giving me hope that he understood. He takes a step closer, now standing right in front of me._

 _"I told you to let her go, James!" The anger I saw is evident in his voice despite the quiet volume with which he uttered those words. James huffs behind me after a moment of meeting Edward's stare._

 _"Fine," he conforms, pushing me away and thus making me stumble towards Edward, whose arms catch me before I fall on the ground. My heart beats like crazy, the tears I've been holding finally running freely down my cheeks. I feel like I'm asphyxiating. Edward looks at me with concern, nods his head, and hugs me tenderly._

 _"Let's go," he whispers into my hair. He holds me close and starts walking back towards the house._

 _"You'll be done with her in less than a week, Edward," I hear James call out to us. He ignores him, asking me whether I want to go upstairs instead. I nod in agreement._

 _The party's still in full swing when we reach the stairs, but he never lets go of me as we make our way to his room. The guitar lies on the floor alongside the notebook he dedicated for songwriting and various CDs. Some of his clothes are hung over his desk chair, waiting to be put back in the wardrobe. The room is a mess, but it's so him that I'm okay with it._

 _He leads me to the bed, helps me sit down, and kneels in front of me. "Do you- um," he grabs at his hair nervously, "do you want me to get Alice?"_

 _I shake my head. "No," I whisper. "She'll ask questions and I just don't have the energy to talk to her," I tell him honestly. "Thank you." I add softly, looking into his eyes._

 _He takes hold of my hand, sending a shiver through me. "No, Bella, it's my fault. James shouldn't have been here tonight," he says, affirming my good opinion of him. "I'm sorry," he apologises, putting a soft smile on my face._

 _"I need water," I tell him, feeling my mouth getting dry._

 _"Okay, I'll be right back," he assures me as he stands up to makes his way towards the door but before leaving he adds softly, "make yourself at home." He gives me one last look, and then he leaves the room._

 _I wake up later that night, my lack of bearing confusing me for a few moments. A feeling of being enveloped by warmth makes me realize someone's spooning me. Panic sets in and I try to untangle myself from the stranger's arms but he holds me tight against his body._

 _"Relax, Bella," Edward's voice whispers to me, "It's me." I turn in his arms and swat at his shoulder, his attempt to sooth me having no effect._

 _"You ass," I whisper, annoyed, "You scared me!" He chuckles and holds my wrist in his hand._

 _"Sorry," he says softly; I get the feeling that he's apologising for more occurrences than just this one. His right hand starts playing with my hair; the look in his eyes making my heart beat faster. "You're beautiful, Bella," he whispers, his face coming closer to mine._

 _Only one thought crosses my mind: Kiss me._

 _As if he heard me, he looks into my eyes and I just give in. As soon as our lips touch, I forget how wrong this is and just feel. Feel his lips on my lips, feel his hands grasping my leg. I gasp when I realize he's hard._

 _"Tell me to stop and I will," he states softly, but firmly, when we momentarily break apart._

 _I know he's giving me an escape but I don't want it. Even though I know what type of guy Edward is. But everything be damned. I want this. I wanted this for so long._

 _I lift my head and lick his earlobe. "Don't," I whisper._

 _That morning I woke up naked and alone. I sigh. I knew this would happen. I knew from the start that he would leave. And him leaving means only one thing._

 _He regrets it._

I sigh when Edward's lips break my trance by tracing my shoulder.

"Stop over-thinking things," he whispers in my ear. I shiver at the feeling of his fingertips running down along my arm.

"I knew from the start that what we were doing wasn't right," I say softly. "After that first night. I knew it then and I knew it afterwards when we continued what we started." I feel him go rigid behind me. I grasp the hand holding my waist and interlock our fingers. "I just couldn't let you go," I admit.

"I knew it, too, Bella," he utters in agreement, "I felt like shit for using you like that, but you were like a drug to me."

"Don't say that," I plead softly and face him.

"It's true." He kisses my eyelids. "I've done a lot of shit, Bella. I tried a lot of things, but you were my biggest addiction. I always returned to you because you took everything else away." My eyes fill with tears at his words and I touch his cheek.

"We were a mess, Edward. We were too dependent on each other. It wasn't healthy." He nods and kisses my palm.

"Let me put the pieces back together, then," he implores, looking deeply into my eyes, "let me heal the heart I broke."


End file.
